About this blog site

Accidental Happiness

A few years back, I accidentally discovered a level of Happiness (or contentment, if you will) that I never knew existed. To be transparent, I have always been happy. I have been blessed with an optimist personality that allows me to see the glass 1/2 full most of the time. For this, I am grateful. I have numerous friends who struggle with depression or mental illness. A subject that, up until recently, I knew very little about. I try to sympathize, but not walking the road that they travel; I can not empathize. Hopefully, I will provide love and encouragement as we walk this path together. I will hold their hand if they hold mine. The following is how this journey began, Not by design but purely by accident.

I am an early riser, and I do most of my busy work by 10:00 am each morning. This gives me the freedom to do what I want to do for the rest of the day. My work style supports my fundamental definition of Happiness; to me, Happiness is doing what I want to do when I want to do it. I have chosen career paths based on this principle. This has mostly worked for me until a few years ago with a simple phone call.

It was around 7:00 am, and I was sitting at my computer, knocking out the task for the day, when my phone rang. I answer. "Hi, Dad, what cha doing." Working, I respond in a distracted tone. "What ca working on? "… I take a deep breath and realize this will not be a quick conversation.

Caleb (my youngest and most outgoing son) had recently taken a job in Raleigh NC and had a 30 to 40-minute commute each morning. As with most millennials, he decided this would be a great time to call and talk to his Dad. (our definition of multitasking) Caleb proceeded to call not just once but every morning during the morning comute. In the beginning, I thought, I got this. I can multitask, right? Eventually not! Along the way, Caleb would pick up on the lack of attention. The conversation would quickly turn to questions or accusations such as, "Are you even listening to me? What did I just say? You're not paying attention; I'll call you another time." This not only caused extreme frustration and stress on my part, but it also made me feel like a terrible dad. The day was off to a bad start.

I ask others for advice, and the normal response would be, "just tell him you're busy; he will understand. Or don't answer. But honestly, that is not the guy that I want to be or the guilt that I wanted to face. I always told myself that people are more important than processes. Furthermore, what if he just quit calling? As a product of the '70s, The "Cats in the Cradle song" is always lurking in the back of my mind when dealing with my kids.

I needed a plan B, and I needed it quick. This is when everything changed for me.

The following day when Caleb called, I was mentally prepared. The phone rang, I answered in a much more cheerful voice, I then put in my earbuds, walked out of the office, down the sidewalk, and continued to walk until Caleb had reached his destination. This and this alone is where everything in my life changed. I had removed the distractions. On a side note: I want you to know that our conversations also changed. With the distractions, the conversation had been trivial at best, but without distractions and genuinely focusing on the person with whom you are communicating, you will tend to create a level of intimacy that many parents never reach with their adult children. We discussed parenting, death, religion, relationships, and work, to name a few; nothing was considered off-topic. Our relationship changed because I had chosen to be present. You would think that alone would be worth and it was, but there was so much more to come.

After a few weeks of walking and talking, I started realizing that the level of pure joy was increasing. On a happiness "scale: my mood would elevate as the walk progressed. I may start the day as a 3 or 4, and by the end of my walk, it could be 8, 9, and at times a 10. I would find myself tearing up with joy over life. What the hell is going on?

I became obsessed with my morning walks and searched for what was causing the change in my overall mood. I read every book I could find related to Happiness. Books like, The Power of Positive Thinking, You're a Badass, How Happiness Happens, and Man's Search for Meaning. I took Yale's College Course on Happiness and watched as many documentaries as possible. I would have gone for a doctorate in Happiness if it was a thing at that time. Within my research, I found a common theme. I hope you follow my journey and discover what I found. It is a simple truth that can change your life completely. If you don't realize it on your own, just ask, and I will gladly tell you. I bet it is not what you think.